How To Provoke A Shark Attack

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A shark attack is usually evidenced by a shark bite of some sort and can happen is as little as two feet of water! But attack is much better for a newspaper headline to entice people to read the rest of the story.

If it was a dog then unless it was a pack of dogs the story would be about “dog bites person, child or other dog” unless of course it was a pit bull that was involved. It’s all a matter of perception.

Anyway, it is pretty hard to get a shark to bite you but here are some pointers that will help increase your chances. First, is to go swimming early in the morning, at dusk or at night which is when many sharks feed and to further increase your chances then splash a lot to attract the shark’s attention.

Second, if you are a spear fisher make sure you spear a lot of fish and then drag the dead fish behind you which is like ringing a dinner bell for the sharks in the area. If the fish you speared bleeds a lot so much the better.

Third, disregard any signs that warn of shark sightings in the area because it’s probably a ploy to keep swimmers out of the water. What are your chances of getting bitten even if a shark has been sighted recently? In fact your chance of getting struck by lightning are higher than a shark attack. The people who put up the signs are probably just fear mongers!

Fourth, if you see birds diving into the water for small fish jumping on the surface of the water then definitely swim over to the action and see what is causing it. Of course, it could be a very large fish such as a shark chasing the small fish! But if you have a camera imagine what kind of photos you can get especially if the shark attacks you.

Fifth, go skin or scuba diving and if you see a small shark make sure to grab its tail or dorsal fin. This will help you get very friendly with the shark because the shark will understand you are just playing with it and mean it no harm. So when the shark spins around and bites you please don’t take it personally.

Sixth, when you are in the water and see a substantially sized shark make sure to try to get as close as possible to it. In fact, invade its personal space as quickly as possible to get a great photo or life experience moment. If the shark starts arching its back and moving its side fins erratically there is no need to worry because the shark is just trying to show you affection. In fact a great idea is to try to pet it as it arches its back and turns its body side to side to show your own signs of affection towards this beautiful creature.

Seventh, make sure you swim alone and also make sure you go out as far as possible. This way the shark has not problem in picking you out because you will be the only moving object that may or may not be perceived as the meal of the day. And once again please splash a lot when you are as far out as you can possibly get so the shark/sharks have an easier time to sense you. Please make sure you do this on a deserted beach so someone else does not have to risk their life saving you from your own stupidity!

Eighth, Since you have all that bling make sure you wear it when you enter the ocean. Whether it’s a fancy watch, gold chain or ring do not forget the to keep it on so you can look good underwater or while you swim. In fact the fish will be very impressed by all your jewelry especially the barracudas and sharks not to mention the morays. It will be easier for the predators to use their vision to target you instead of having to use the others they have. The shinier the better!

Ninth, if you are bleeding then without a doubt go swimming, diving or surfing and make sure the salt water keeps the blood flowing. Just because the shark can detect your blood a half a mile doesn’t mean you should be concerned. In fact if you are wearing a lot of shiny jewelry, swimming alone at dusk in an area known for shark attacks then you will definitely maximize your chances of encountering a shark or many sharks.

These are just a couple of methods to provoke a shark which may or may not result in biting you which may cause serious injury or death. Feel free to add any other actions a human can take to entice a shark to attack.

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